The trauma of going through a divorce is devastating to both men and women. What’s worse is that this trauma is ongoing. From the time the marriage began going south, your emotions have been stretched and in high gear. The sad part about this is that when you were still in the marriage, you sought support from your friends, your church, or even, perhaps, in the arms of someone else to help you get your marriage back on track. But when the “D” word begins to be used, your faithful support group disappears.

No one likes divorce, its messy, full of emotional drama and it drains everyone around you. But when you’re going through a divorce, getting support is critical. One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make as they terminate the marriage is to think they are alone and then isolate themselves from a divorce support network of friends and church. You need your support group now more than ever.

As with any divorce, there will be good times and bad, but one thing is sure when it comes to divorce: it will get messy. A fight is looming in the courtroom, or in depositions. Your spouse will ask for the moon and want to leave you penniless. When that happens your divorce support group needs to be there for you to allow you to vent your frustrations so you can put things in prospective.

Sure, a divorce support group won’t make the battle any less ugly; it will, however, help you get through it. So when your spouse wants the car, the house, the bank accounts and the silverware that your grandmother passed down to you, you’ll have your support group ready and willing to vocalize your frustration or even laugh at the absurdity of your spouse’s over-reaching.

You might find out that the true reason for the divorce isn’t really all that bickering that was going on, but that your spouse found someone else. That betrayal will strike you to your core. If that unfortunate event occurs in your divorce, you will need your divorce support group more than ever. You might even want to warn them that you will need the support even more when, in the course of the divorce, you encounter the person who broke up the marriage.

Child custody battles are another aspect of divorce that is all too common. Your support group will need to pull extra duty on that issue. Its bad enough that your emotions are haywire, but, often, your children are doing much worse than you. After all, they still love both of you. Finding an outlet of support for children as they witness the divorce is imperative. The sad part of this is that one or both divorcing spouse will disregard the children’s emotions and will use the children as a weapon against the other. Talk about a scenario that a divorce support network can come in useful.

If you are facing a divorce, be proactive in putting together a divorce support group or network of friends that you can rely on when things get messy. It will happen; you will need your divorce support group. I guarantee it.